24. The Best Man said WHAT!?!?

Today is 16 days from the first anniversary of Dad’s passing. I’ve committed to writing 40 stories about him as that day approaches. Forty Steady Stories.

Well, this is a great story for a Sunday night, since you might feel like you need a little church after reading this one. :) You wouldn’t believe what the best man at my wedding said at my rehearsal dinner. Here’s how it went down…

Now, the realm of political correctness hadn’t exactly conquered the plumbing world in 1994 when I got married. Let’s be honest, it still hasn’t. The best man at my wedding was in the wholesale plumbing business and decided to use a plumbing part to talk about the union created through marriage. He held up a fitting called a union that looks like this:

Then he began to explain how that union fitting was a great illustration of what marriage was intended to be. He said, “This plumbing union has two parts: a male part and a female part.”

Right then, I knew two things. Number one, he was being completely genuine and serious about the illustration, and number two, this was going to go south quickly and would someday provide for an excellent story. Well, folks, welcome to someday.

He unscrewed the union, held up the part on the far right in the picture above, and said, “Now this is the male part.”

Then he raised the other hand with the other part (middle of the picture) and said, “And this is the female part.”

Then, (and well, there’s just no way around this part) he screwed the male part into the female part to put the union back together. I can’t really repeat on this family channel exactly what he said, but I can assure you it hit the center of the bull’s eye on the awkward target.

It was said genuinely with no calculated double entendre on innuendo; however, the connection, pun intended, was unavoidable. People — even the Baptists in the room — started laughing, and I think Dad began to realize that the illustration might have gone past the point of no return.

However, Dad shifted his tone and went into a very heartfelt description about a man leaving his father and mother and becoming one with his wife (from Genesis 2:24), and he blessed Emma and me and our new union. It was a good save after that wild first pitch.

It was classic Steady Cash — so sincere and yet so awkward at the same time. He thought it was a great illustration, and it probably would have been had his description of the parts been a little less detailed. I’ve been to and officiated a bunch of weddings, and this is still one of my favorite wedding stories.

I really learned to love Dad for how he handled himself up front when speaking. He prepared and practiced his remarks way ahead of time for any major event. He wrote out word-by-word what he planned on saying and spent time memorizing his speeches. I saw the highlighted binders he had for the PMC sales meetings every year and how he had all the words written out for himself and for others.

He never took himself too seriously and was always sincere in what he said to people and about people. And he LOVED humor. He made sure his talks were full of jokes and funny stories. I know he is smiling now hearing this one.

When I asked my dad to be my best man, he went into task mode and researched what the best man duties were, so that he could fill that role for me. He loved making lists and came back to me with several items that he was going to start working on.

Then I told him what was most important to me was that he do what he’d been doing my whole life — just walk with me and stand beside me.